sick

its almost 4am and I have been up for over an hour because I can't sleep and I feel terrible. I thought I only had a cold but I'm not so sure anymore. I'm ready to die. right here in this bed.. okay I'm being fairly dramatic but you get the point. I feel like shit. i had Lima beans & corn for breakfast, some fries off my friends plate for lunch (social eating haha) and salad for dinner. pineapple, a pickle, saltines, and a spoon full of peanut butter as snacks. today (well yesterday) was the most I have eaten in awhile. I have to work today (yay) except I don't feel good but what can you do. I don't want to stand on the scale today. I already know I'm going to hate what it says because my fatass ate fries. ugh. stop I don't want to think about it. too bad that's all I think about. sometimes I wonder why I am the way I am. all fucked up and mixed up inside. a lot of reasons. a lot of un-reasons. but I'm not going to sit here and ponder them because I will never get back to sleep. I have to wake up for class in 3 hours.. shit. I also only have 6 more pounds to go to reach the next gw!! exciting but scary. am I going to make it or not? dun dun dunnnn. I think being sick and awake right now is making me delusional. oh welll. I found an older picture of my legs from two or so months ago and I'm going to share it with you lovely people. okay but I really need to try and sleep so until later

xx