question

does this happen to anyone else..
when i dont eat all day then i decide to eat, i feel sick. like stomach ache nauseous sick.. i wonder if that happens to anyone besides me. it just makes me want to not eat, ever.
For example, I havent really eaten all day and I just made some oatmeal and I literally cannot eat it. I feel as if I'm going to throw up.

that was just my question for you guys today.

I woke up at 6 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. so naturally I decide to go to the gym. I did a cycling class today and honestly I've fallen in love. I could cycle everyday. and I just might. I binged this weekend. I swear it's like an every weekend thing. starve during the week binge on the weekends. sick but semi true. regardless of my weekly binges I am back on track with my workouts. my stomach is getting pretty lean and my hands are getting veiny. slow but steady progress. I try to remember patience is a virtue but I'm. so. damn. impatient. on a side note I'm really bloated right now from basically going calorie crazy with my brother today. he just kept insisting I eat this and try that. sure why not... eating with people to avoid suspicion is making me day. I have a week of hardwork in front of me but thankfully my house will be empty for an entire week starting Wednesday. Wednesday also starts my second cleanse. did one last week- lost 3lbs but binged over the weekend and haven't gotten on the scale since so I'm sure I ruined that one. sigh. I'm off to bed working at the crack or dawn literally kills me. stay strong. xx 

how has it already been so long since I last wrote. clearly I've been living under a rock. or something. but today my father told me that I don't eat. he actually told me that I eat air if you wanted me to be specific. I'm not really sure what he is getting at by telling me that. almost saying it in a joking way. I don't think it's funny.. regardless I spent this weekend not working out and eating everything in sight. I'm going to do a 3 day cleanse starting Monday to get this shit out of me. I feel repulsive. I have really isolated myself this weekend. and week. everyone's shit is just making me crazy. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to be around anyone. I just want to be left alone for awhile.