i was too upset to post last night. so ill do it now before i heard to the doctors. i went to the doctors yesterday pretty much by force. blah blah blah skip to me waiting for the nurse- she comes and weighs me. i of course didn't look at the scale but then she said the numbers out loud and I'm not sure what came over me. i usually control my emotions rather well but i just burst into tears. right there with her writing down my weight. i felt like a failure. i am fucking gross. she felt so bad she kept apologizing saying she didn't mean to make me upset. it was just so embarrassing and depressing. i felt so bad. but then my doctor came and i pulled it together so i could just get out of there. She wants me to try out xanax for my insomnia and anxiety. i also have to get my blood drawn. it was a pretty traumatic morning. while she was examining me she kept asking if i eat three times a day and how if i have any "depression" i lied of course and said no. i didn't feel like staying for their mini mental health exam. fuck that. i just feel so disgusting now. i hate this. & i hate myself.
tuesdays intake
B: smoothie
S:
L:salad with chicken, oranges, sunflower seeds
S: cereal
dinner: coffee
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