Sunday

tea for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, and 5 saltines as a snack today. I have a math test tomorrow and I didn't really study. hopefully I do well. tomorrow starts my intense work outs so I can make it to my gw.. excited but not. my roommate went grocery shopping today. she bought a lot of bread items I will not be touching. I did eat bread today though. but I'm going to eat it in moderation. no loaf bread though. none of that. no bagels either. I have to wait until I get paid so I can do my own type of grocery shopping sigh. okay I need to go to sleep. I still don't feel good but what can you do

meow

i just wanted to post and say how wonderful work was today. everyone is so nice and friendly. and i get to move around all day. the only bad part is that my feet hurt really bad. wah. but i didn't eat today. coffee for breakfast. and coffee for dinner. i didn't have to to eat at work.. it was nice. i don't know, i feel happy right now. i can't tell if its because i didn't eat today or because of this job. probably both. but I'm going to go to sleep. i have to wake up early tomorrow and study -___- xx

its early

i got the job! i have to be there at 11 which means i have to leave 10 since I'm going to walk. I'm going to stop at Starbucks on my way and get some coffee for breakfast. I'm excited that i actually have a job now and won't be broke anymore. I'm not really sure what time i get off but I'm going to go to the gym when i get off and then study my life away i have 4 tests next week. everyday i get closer to gw day. I'm scared I'm not going to make it but i know that i will. i have to have to have to make it. my job requires me to wear jeans and i really don't want to. even though my thighs don't touch... i hate my thighs. hate them. and i only own skinny jeans so i know everyone is going to be like this girl and her fat thighs.. mm how delighting. i have to get ready.. xx

t h i g h s

my thighs stopped touching today. i could scream with joy.. but my throat hurts still. but its still a good day. i haven't been to the gym yet today, but I'm going to go later. i had 5 pieces of broccoli and tea for breakfast. I'm going to go to the library in a bit and have coffee for lunch while i study. I'm probably having broccoli and chicken for dinner. there isn't too much food in my apartment, and i like that. but my roommate keeps insisting we to go the grocery. but i don't really want to go. I'm content with fruit, vegetables, and chicken. i hate grocery shopping. too much food, too many choices. and i hate the looks that i get when i go.. sorry i like to read the labels. sorry i don't like processed food. sorry i don't want to get fatter. 13 days left to get to one of my goal weights. ill get there, i have to. i think i found a job. its about 2 miles from my house so ill walk there. i power walked there yesterday and legs are a little sore today. i like it. i like the fact that its so close, yet far enough that i get a little exercise in. thats 4 miles in one day. in addition to the 5 i usually run at the gym. my mom is sending me a package this weekend. i told her to send me peanut butter. (my addiction) the one thing i cannot give up. and a bunch of other things i want/need. i need to get into the shower and start this good day. xx

one more day

breakfast; apple w/ peanut butter lunch: salad dinner: hummus, corn, and chicken wrapped in lettuce snacks: none today was better. no snacking but i still have to wait one more day before i go to the gym. i don't feel like writing because i am so tired. i feel like I've gotten huge this week from not going to the gym. i don't know. I'm just flustered.

still

breakfast: apple with peanut butter lunch: nothing dinner: chicken ceasar salad & apple sauce snacks: chex mix i feel absolutely terrible for eating chef mix. although i didn't eat too much today, i still feel disgusting and fat. still haven't gone to the gym. i think i am going to wait until friday to go since i still don't feel 100% better. i have been so unhappy lately. and let me tell you, it fucking sucks. tomorrow I'm going to have an apple and peanut butter before class again, and salad for dinner. no snacking this time either. ugh. i need a job too. badly. something that'll take my mind off everything. and food. i need a buddy. and a fat blunt.

ill.

i am ill. mentally and physically ill. i think i have strep or something because i can barely talk, barely eat (not that i was eating before) but barely doing anything. Im skipping one of my classes today. hopefully we aren't taking an exam because i will be screwed. I have a math quiz at 2 then math class at 3. i don't want to go.. at all. i just want to sleep. but i need to go. i gave up all bread/wheat products for the next few weeks. my roommate and i are giving up one thing every week. but little does she know once i give it up, I'm not going to eat it again. i accidentally told one of my roommates that i used to have "food problems". used to being the key word. hahah fuck it. what is she going to do.. not shit. i kind of want to go to my 1 o'clock class. kind of but not really. i haven't been to the gym in 3 days because I've been so sick. so I'm sure i look like a goddamn abomination. last week was awful for me. i cried everyday last week. if it wasn't my weight, it was my parents, if it wasn't that it was school, its like i just cannot catch a break. i don't know. i need to get up and get in the shower so i can go to class. until next time