irrelevance

i was up early again this morning, but for class this time. yesterday i didn't eat until dinner. we ended up having chicken and corn instead of salad. we're having that tonight. its taken me all day to eat this Luna bar.. I started eating it this morning, sat it on my desk in class, debating on whether or not to take a bite. girl who always stares at me that i posted about before watched me the whole time. of course, i decided against eating it. i just didn't feel like being stared at.. so i waited until i got home to eat the rest. my friend told me she wanted to be "tiny like me" i couldn't help but laugh, out loud at her. probably not the best idea, but it was just the funniest thing I've heard all day. Tiny.. what i wouldn't give to be that.

i feel like when i write i just go off onto random tangents.. regardless i started thinking about my food journal and about the rules that i have for myself.
-no more than 500c a day
-no eating past 11pm
-no sugar in coffee
-no cookies, candy, chocolate, cakes, fried food, or fast food
-no more than 2 cups of rice a week
-no bread
-no pasta

i could go on and on and on. when did my life become so dictated by food.. i swear sometimes i become so obsessed with food and calories and my weight its scary. sometimes i can't even control myself.