0

uhhhh i hate that i don't post everyday. I'm seriously going to work on it. but this weekend was great. friday i stayed under 400c and saturday i had an apple and some pretzels in the morning. and then saturday night i went out, and got drunk super fast from not really eating the past few days. i had a great night out and a lot of people told me i looked thin and pretty. it was encouraging. but this morning when i woke up i heard my roommate and her boy toy talking about me (awkward) he asked her why there was a sticky note on the fridge that said 'you don't want it' and she told him that I'm obsessed with losing weight. yes, i put a sticky note on our fridge and one inside the pantry, just as some inspiration not to eat anything.. ha ha. but i really do not appreciate her telling him that. mainly because he asked me a few weeks ago why i didn't like myself. my reply: a lot of reasons. oh whatever, it could always be worse. i have such a long day tomorrow its unreal. oh! i totally forgot, saturday night my costume was low around the waist so you could see the scars on my hips. i mean i usually don't care when people see my scars but some of them were new-ish so it was just kind of weird having my friends look at me, look at my scars, look back at me... you get the point. the funny thing though, they all stared, but no one said anything. i mean hey, the less questions, the better

i haven't stood on my scale but i feel lighter. my collar/hip bones are showing a bit more and my tummy is flatter. i know I'm losing, i just don't know how much. not enough of course. never enough. we're going grocery shopping tomorrow (fuck) because we literally have no food. i like it like this but i have to be mindful i live with two other girls that have a normal relationship with food. ha. i need to make a list before i go to sleep tonight. fruit and vegetables only. i swear i could stay up all night looking at healthy recipes, food thats help you lose weight, blah blah blah shit like that. i know you all like to do the same thing. its addicting. sigh i need to get my life together and finish getting ready for tomorrow.
until then xx