over this and it's only the second day

just about ready to kill myself. or have an extreme anxiety attack. left for my new training job, and it's hard work definitely. basically 8 hours a day of sweating. but I haven't been to the gym in 3 days and I'm pretty much going crazy. I can feel myself getting fatter. I'm going absolutely insane and no one has noticed. the hotel im at has no gym and im pretty much in the middle of no where. I guess I can do insanity but I really just need to run. run until I can't anymore. I'm pretty much just rambling but I honestly just feel so awful I hate this. I hate being fat. I hate being me.