i can't believe the summer is over. i start school in a week. i haven't written the entire summer. but i could sum it up in one word: fluctuate. Fluctuating emotions, fluctuating weight. fluctuated life. I'm at my last two camps this week before i go back to school. I managed to lose, depending on the month. but now that I can get back to school, & back to pattern I'll be able to permanently keep this weight off. when I was home for a few weeks I got in trouble for not eating enough. my dad was 'distressed' because he said my spine was 'prominent'
....regardless it was an up and down summer. I ate, I didn't eat. I worked out, I didn't work out. the past two weeks have been not working out and eating. I think I was beginning to scare the person I've been working with. he was saying that i don't ever eat and always giving me this look. so what did I do, I ate. I even ate Chinese food one night with him. don't think I'm doing this because I like this guy. I just don't want history to repeat itself. play it cool and everyone wins. I'm going to start school being the fat girl again. god I'm not looking forward to this. ive gotten really good at not seeing people. when I go places if you just blur out their faces, you'll never see them staring. I think I'm just crazy... probably.
on a more fun note I'm at the beach and it's fucking perfect. I missed the sea
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