choices

I'll be traveling again this summer. It took me awhile to decide to accept the job again. I am excited because I'll get to be traveling and basically working out all day and getting paid. But I have a lot of things to accomplish beforehand. I have about two and a half months till I leave. I want to lose about 15-20lbs before I go. This past weekend was horrid i don't even want to talk about it. I need to get back on track. It was just so hard since I had a guest stay with me all weekend. and it felt like every couple of hours he was telling me to go eat, making me something, taking me somewhere. and i couldn't just say no. so i ate. and i ate. and i cried every night that weekend standing on the scale watching the numbers go up. every fucking night. but i am refusing to get on the scale until thursday, after my cleanse is over. but i recently took a pill... so I'm beginning to lose my train of thought. i swear i need to keep myself sedated to avoid blowing my fucking brains out. sober me is not a happy girl.